I cleaned a Fridge and I liked it.

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I cleaned the fridge today. Opened the door, thought "you could be cleaner" and cleaned it. Yesterday I wrote a timetable to better organise my time, not necessarily to be more productive, just to feel more in control. Then on Friday I had a drink. Nothing big in that you may think, most adults and parents have a drink on the weekend, but I'm not a regular "at home" drinker, I just felt like one so I had one.
This may appear to be a ramble of a writer still suffering writers block but I have a point.

I get in my own way.

"What?" you may ask "You get in my own way! Has accidental house dad finally lost it? Has 8 and half years of child speak, laundry, shopping and cleaning finally got to him?" Well maybe, but hear me out. I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling as though I've under-achieved with my life, a feeling coupled with a frustration with where my life is at, where I want it to be and with no clue of how to get there. I feeling that although life is alright, good even, it's as though it's missing something, something that you control but can't get a handle on.

That's where I was at, then I had a drink (just one, let's not go crazy here I still have to get up with the kids in the morning) and didn't beat myself up over it. I had a thought and I acted on it. Simple. Then I had another, did it, then another, did it until I discovered two things. First, the world did not end. Second, I felt better.

Let me take those further. At times I worry about destabilising the equilibrium for fear I can never get it back. My own mind constantly halts my progress by reminding me of what could go wrong and the cost that may have to be paid. But quite frankly that's a big pile of used nappies. I don't run a country I run a house. So long as my thought isn't "drying the washing would be a lot quicker if I just set fire to it" nothing untoward is going to happen just crack on. As for feeling better, I did. Small accomplishment I know but an accomplishment all the same and who doesn't feel better after that?

So I cleaned a fridge. And it felt good. Today I sat down and wrote. Some may like it, some may not but I had a thought and I did it, small accomplishment but a huge feeling and I think, no I hope, that I might have made a huge step forward. Now I just have to get out of my own way and keep cleaning fridges.

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